


I Love You More Than I Can Say

by mocking_words



Series: 12 Days of Romanogers (Christmas 2016) [10]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 12:52:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8980528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mocking_words/pseuds/mocking_words
Summary: Steve loves Natasha, he just wants to show her how much.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chalantness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chalantness/gifts).



After everything that had happened as of late, he knew it had set Natasha on the edge. He knew that the thought of losing him was too much to bear, especially when he felt the same way. They weren’t themselves without each other and nothing could change that fact. She was so important to him; he just needed to let her know that. There was nobody who could show her that besides him.

Steve just needed to figure out the best way to convey his feelings to her.

“You’re far away from me, right now,” Natasha murmured as they sat in the living room, with her leaning against him. She had draped a tartan throw over the both of them and Max had decided to snuggle up in the spot between on the couch. It was a cosy Monday evening, a rare occurrence for any of them.James was in his room, reading the latest addition to his Narnia series. He was still young, but he learnt quickly; so building his vocabulary hadn’t exactly been a very big issue.

James was in his room, reading the latest addition to his Narnia series. He was still young, but he learnt quickly; so building his vocabulary hadn’t exactly been a very big issue. Steve shook his head, absentmindedly stroking the dog as he watched the screen flicker from one scene to another, “It’s been a long day.”

It _had_ been a long day. Being an Avenger was a full-time job and it demanded nothing less. He had been drilling the agents in training all day and by the time evening hit, he was pretty knackered out. The incident had left him thinking more than usual and his mind was weary from the thoughts that ran through his head more frequently than ever. It wasn’t unusual for something to hang around in his mind for some time after it had occurred. It wasn’t PTSD but, he thought about it, a little too often perhaps.

“Steve?” Natasha said, softly, turning to look at him, “Talk to me, what’s bothering you?”

In all honesty, it wasn’t bothering _him_ ; it was what was bothering _her_. She had been the one who’d found him, unsure of when he’d take his last breath. It hadn’t happened, but he hadn’t had a doubt that the image would be etched in her memory forever and he knew how that felt. He'd never forget the day Bucky fell.

“Nat, I’m sorry,” he blurted out. She looked at him, eyes wide, “What are you apologising for?”

“For putting you through all that, I should’ve been more careful,” he said, threading carefully through the conversation. They hadn’t talked about it much, but he needed to get it out there. She wasn’t alone in dealing with this. She was never going to be alone when dealing with anything; not when she had him by her side.

“It’s not your fault, Steve-”

He cut her off, “I know that. Of course, I know. I know that we wouldn’t have been able to intercept the bomb anyway but I’m just glad that it was me who was in there and not you.”

She turned away, not meeting his eyes. It hurt, that he hadn’t been able to stop it from hurting her; that he hadn’t been able to keep his promise. He’d promised to take care of her, to make sure she never got hurt and yet this had happened. It was inevitable, especially in their line of work; but that didn't mean he wasn't going to try.

“Look at me, Nat, please,” he murmured, “I just wanted you to know you’re not alone in this, I’m here for you.”

She kept quiet, turning to kiss him. He could taste the salty tears that were running down her face but he didn’t pull away. Physical contact was her reassurance and he would give it all to her if that was what she needed.

* * *

“Are you going out?” Steve asked the next afternoon, watching as she put on the scarf he’d given her some time ago. James was by the door, waiting for her and she nodded with a smile on her face, “Getting some last minute shopping done with Clint, he needs the help.”

He walked over to give her a kiss, “I’ll see you two later, have fun.”

After she left, he called Wanda. Steve had called Clint this morning to distract Natasha and keep her busy for the rest of the day while he set things up. He had enlisted Wanda’s help as one of Natasha’s closest friends. Wanda was practically a little sister to both him and Natasha and she had agreed without any hesitation. She knew how much the whole thing had affected them and wanted to help them get back on track.

* * *

“I didn’t take you for a romantic, Steve,” Wanda smiled as she twined the last bit of fairy lights around a tree branch. There was a quiet park near their home and Steve had decided to surprise her there. It had taken a couple of hours to get the material they needed and they had driven over to set things up before Natasha arrived.

“I can’t say I am,” he chuckled. He motioned for her to join him as he sat down on a nearby park bench. It was late out and there was nobody around, setting the perfect backdrop for his surprise. Wanda shook her head, “Not many people would do this, especially after years of marriage.”

Steve sighed, looking down at the leaves on the ground, “The thing is, Wanda, she’s not just another person… She’s everything I had ever hoped for in life and she just _embodies_ it so well. Natasha’s not like anyone I have ever met and I’m sure as hell I’m never going to meet someone like her again. She’s just special... And I sort of knew, cheesy as it sounds, that she was the one I wanted to marry when I got to know her. She’s brilliant, bright and so, so beautiful. She’s got the most amazing eyes and that smile is good enough to melt anyone’s heart. I just want her to know that she’s the most important thing in the world to me, you know?”

Wanda patted his arm, smiling softly as she got up, “I know how much you love her, Steve. I know just by the way you talk about her. Go on then, go finish your happy ending. I’ll be rooting for the both of you.”

Steve smiled, “Thank you, Wanda.”

“You’re welcome,” she beamed, “I’m always here to help.”

* * *

"Thanks for today, Nat," Clint grinned as he turned off the ignition, "Thank you too, James."

"You're welcome, Uncle Clint! I hope Aunt Laura and Lila, Cooper and Nathaniel like their presents!" James giggled, "Right, mummy?"

Natasha smiled, "Yeah, I bet they're going to love it."

"At least it's not disco music," Clint pointed out, "I'm about to go insane if I ever have to listen to anymore YMCA."

"Laura loves it, though," Natasha grinned, "Just stay out of the house when she plays it."

"I'll be sleeping outside for the rest of my life, I love the woman but who plays disco music 24/7?"

She laughed, getting out of the car and heading towards the front door. Clint stopped her once she got the door open, "Hey, Nat. I've been left with instructions to ask you to go to the park nearby."

She looked at him, slightly bewildered, "By who?"

"Captain's orders," he grinned, "I'll stay with James. He'll be fine with that, won't he?"

James grinned, "Yeah! I can show you my new game, Uncle Clint!"

Clint shrugged, shoving her along, "Go on then, it's a surprise."

She sighed, "Okay, I'm going. Go brush your teeth, James. I'll see you guys in a bit."

"Okay, mummy! Let's go, Uncle Clint!"

She trudged along the dirt path towards the park. What the hell was he thinking? Twinkling lights caught her eye and she picked up her pace, trying to figure out what Steve was trying to pull. The closer she got, the clearer the image she could form in her head. A small portion of the park was decorated with fairy lights, giving it an ethereal glow. 

“Steve? What is this?” Natasha said, biting her quivering lower lip as she approached him. She hadn’t been quite prepared to see Steve standing there, a bouquet of red roses in his hands.

“It’s a surprise, I guess it counts as part of our advent calendar hunt,” he chuckled, handing her the bouquet. She laughed, trying to hold back the tears as she accepted the bouquet, “You did all of this?”

“With a little help from Wanda,” he winked, pulling her into a hug, “Don’t cry, Nat.”

“How can I not?” she choked, “Especially when you’re such a cheese.”

“What kind of cheese?” he asked, kissing her forehead. She laughed, “You’re an asshole, Rogers.”

“I love you, Nat. I know you know this, but it’s not going to stop me from wanting to show you every single day. I’m so lucky to have you,” Steve said, rubbing her tears away with his thumb. She smiled, “I’m so in love with you.”

“That was the plan,” he chuckled, “We’re okay, Nat. We’re going to be fine.”

“How can I not be okay when I have you?” she said, burying her face in his warmth. They were going to be okay and that was all she wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> I've honestly just been using song titles at this point. I also really love this song; it's by Leo Sayer in case anyone wants to know. Also, I've been writing a lot of fics with angst in the front but with happy endings; this one is no exception. I guess its sort of a metaphor for things do get better for everyone who needs it because we're all fighting some sort of battle. So, don't forget to be kind. Leave comments and kudos if you liked it x


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